my nose is scrunched up in distaste

Hmm. I'm between pissed and bliss. Those words sound alike but couldn't be more different. I'm indecisive as to which fits best at the moment, as I have been feeling both lately.

I have been watching an old early 90's Cher movie called 'Moonstruck,' and thinking about one part of it a lot. It doesn't help that I've been watching it over and over again. Its the part where Nicholas Cage is trying to get Cher to dump his older brother (whom she is engaged to, but he's in Sicily on the deathbed of his mother 'cause he's a sissy momma's boy), and he describes love as... now I don't remember his exact words here... but the general idea is that he describes love as basically a car wreck that crashes into your life and makes a mess of things, yet the change is blissful and messy and horrid and wonderful all at the same time. Now, the only car wreck I've been in wasn't at all blissful or wonderful, but I did end up getting a car I liked WAY better than the one I crashed.

But I think he's right. For all the mess there is a wonderfulness to life when you're in love. You still have your own problems, but someone to help you deal with them. On the other hand, you get their problems too - but you also get their love. As you can see, I'm torn between the good and the bad. The good by far overpowers the bad, but then again... there's twice the amount of bad stuff.

Humph. I'm tired, medicated, torn between conflicting emotions and ponderous with thought. I'm frustrated and annoyed, yet enchanted and enthralled with love at the same time. If I were a cinematic piece at the moment, I would be one of those artsy, pointless, dull, but thought-provoking films. You're bored, but you can't stop watching for fear of missing something crucial that could make watching it worth your time.

What is this mysterious thing called love that is so messy and disasterous to your previous life, and yet is so awesome (as in awe-inspiring) and utterly delightful? It really is a car wreck that just crashes into your life and changes everything. While I'm feeling left-out, discarded and forgotten for the moment, I still know I'm cherished and loved beyond any shadow of doubt.
For all of you who are quizzical about my writing, and quite possibly frustrated at my lack of a point, sorry to disappoint. I'll try and be more efficient and actually have a thesis another time.

As for right now, I'm caught in the middle. That in itself is frustrating, confusing and horrid. Humph. I'm going to bed. Hopefully things will have decided themselves in the morning, and I can actually take action one way or the other. I hate wasting time on being indecisive. It's just not efficient.