\So, I just got an apartment in Bellevue, less than a mile away from MS, and it is SUPER cute. I adore it. I still need a couch and some chairs though... but that can wait. Still settling in, but that will take a while. Last night was actually the first night I slept there, and my family came over and I hosted an impromptu party.
They got a bit drunk while we were playing cards, and then voted to go on a "road trip" to Fred Meyer, which is a whopping mile away so I could get some groceries. My sister pushed my dad around in a shopping cart in the parking lot, with him hollering at her to go faster. You should have seen him try and get out!! When he was inside, he pretended he had a limp, spoke with a lisp, and crashed the grocery cart into a cereal display. My mom drove around in an electric cart the whole time, grabbing stuff off the shelves like a kid, trying to get me to buy stuff - random stuff, like the stuff that turns your toilet water blue, Captain CrunchBerries, and a stinky candle. It was insanely embarassing and hilarous. Thank GOD we didn't see anyone I knew. It was great though. Ahh, family.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Hug? Anyone? Anyone?
So, Hamza and I are going to separate.
It's confusing and horrid. I've never really had to break up with someone I still loved before. We love each other, and we're both hoping that he can get his shit together and we can get back together... but I'm also trying to be ready for the possibility that we might not.
It's so weird. We haven't really fought about anything recently... it seems we're both tired of fighting. I'm tired of being pissed at him all the time for little petty shit. I'm tired of waiting for him to go to my Dad and ask for my hand. I'm tired of being hurt that I know none of the numerous family members he's got in the area. I'm tired of waiting for him to push through school and move on to grad school, and then get a job that pays enough so I can stay home and raise the family. I'm tired of just plain waiting for him to grow up. I'm tired of waiting. Period.
I think he finally sees that I'm going, and that I might not be back. I brought boxes home today... and packed them with stuff halfheartedly. But, I'm going, and I'm sure he and I are making the right decision. He needs time to think, and I need a break from him to see what I feel. I'm moving to Bellevue, and he's going to stay in this apartment. It's weird though. We both came home and gave each other a big hug - because we needed it. I'd swear we were both almost in tears. He's my best friend, my love, my heart... but he needs to get his shit together, and I'm tired of waiting for him to both grow up, and step up. It's quite a tangle. The odd part is that we both don't want to hurt each other in the process. We'd both like to get back together eventually at this point. It's also scary moving out and having to pay for everything without the help of dual paychecks. This whole thing is scary, and very crappy. But it must be done. I need a hug. :(
It's confusing and horrid. I've never really had to break up with someone I still loved before. We love each other, and we're both hoping that he can get his shit together and we can get back together... but I'm also trying to be ready for the possibility that we might not.
It's so weird. We haven't really fought about anything recently... it seems we're both tired of fighting. I'm tired of being pissed at him all the time for little petty shit. I'm tired of waiting for him to go to my Dad and ask for my hand. I'm tired of being hurt that I know none of the numerous family members he's got in the area. I'm tired of waiting for him to push through school and move on to grad school, and then get a job that pays enough so I can stay home and raise the family. I'm tired of just plain waiting for him to grow up. I'm tired of waiting. Period.
I think he finally sees that I'm going, and that I might not be back. I brought boxes home today... and packed them with stuff halfheartedly. But, I'm going, and I'm sure he and I are making the right decision. He needs time to think, and I need a break from him to see what I feel. I'm moving to Bellevue, and he's going to stay in this apartment. It's weird though. We both came home and gave each other a big hug - because we needed it. I'd swear we were both almost in tears. He's my best friend, my love, my heart... but he needs to get his shit together, and I'm tired of waiting for him to both grow up, and step up. It's quite a tangle. The odd part is that we both don't want to hurt each other in the process. We'd both like to get back together eventually at this point. It's also scary moving out and having to pay for everything without the help of dual paychecks. This whole thing is scary, and very crappy. But it must be done. I need a hug. :(
Thursday, March 27, 2008
When Opportunity Knocks...
I had a really great experience today - kind of opened my eyes up again. Those involved will know what it was, and no one else really needs to know the specifics. I feel like it brought a part of me back to life - a part that hasn’t seen the light of day in hmm... 17, 18 months? Too long, to say the least.
I feel empowered. I feel strong. I feel like I can kick down the obstacles life seems to continually throw at me, and walk over the path created. It’s also good knowing I have support at my back, and that new friends are always just right around the corner.Opportunites arise, and yet you have to know which one to take advantage up. I recently took advantage of a professional opportunity that I’m optimistic about... I’ll know for sure on Monday. Either way, I’ll be happy, but it could be a really nice change for the good. Recognition of hard work and dues paid.
Today I had another opportunity of a personal nature that I didn’t take advantage of, and it turned out to be the right decision. After walking out of the situation, I was hot and bothered, first off. Very much so - I was exhilirated, excited, flattered, amazed...I was also confused and, well... nervous isn’t exactly the word I’m looking for, but it was a feeling close to being nervous. (Pensive and anxious? I don’t know...) I thought about my actions and decision the entire way home. I wasn’t able to concentrate on my book, or even the music. By the time I got home I was positive I had made a bad decision by choosing not to take advantage of this opportunity for some extra curricular activity.
I walked in the door, stipped clothes down to the essentials - panties and a tanktop - pissed at myself, and proceeded to clean the house. I clean when I’m thinking - if I can arrange physical things, I guess I can arrange my thoughts better as well. Besides, what can you do in a messy house? I mean, if your surroundings are cluttered, then your mind will be too, right? I had the music up loud, singing along and doing my best have-the-house-to-myself dance moves, trying to straighten out my racing thoughts...when Hamza got home. To say the least I took out my confusion on him in good time...and we did have an extremely good time. (insert evil knowing grin and a wink here) He told me exactly what I needed to hear, and coming from him it sounded RIGHT. Maybe not exciting and as exhilrating, but it felt like home, and I knew that I’d made the right decision after all.
I feel empowered. I feel strong. I feel like I can kick down the obstacles life seems to continually throw at me, and walk over the path created. It’s also good knowing I have support at my back, and that new friends are always just right around the corner.Opportunites arise, and yet you have to know which one to take advantage up. I recently took advantage of a professional opportunity that I’m optimistic about... I’ll know for sure on Monday. Either way, I’ll be happy, but it could be a really nice change for the good. Recognition of hard work and dues paid.
Today I had another opportunity of a personal nature that I didn’t take advantage of, and it turned out to be the right decision. After walking out of the situation, I was hot and bothered, first off. Very much so - I was exhilirated, excited, flattered, amazed...I was also confused and, well... nervous isn’t exactly the word I’m looking for, but it was a feeling close to being nervous. (Pensive and anxious? I don’t know...) I thought about my actions and decision the entire way home. I wasn’t able to concentrate on my book, or even the music. By the time I got home I was positive I had made a bad decision by choosing not to take advantage of this opportunity for some extra curricular activity.
I walked in the door, stipped clothes down to the essentials - panties and a tanktop - pissed at myself, and proceeded to clean the house. I clean when I’m thinking - if I can arrange physical things, I guess I can arrange my thoughts better as well. Besides, what can you do in a messy house? I mean, if your surroundings are cluttered, then your mind will be too, right? I had the music up loud, singing along and doing my best have-the-house-to-myself dance moves, trying to straighten out my racing thoughts...when Hamza got home. To say the least I took out my confusion on him in good time...and we did have an extremely good time. (insert evil knowing grin and a wink here) He told me exactly what I needed to hear, and coming from him it sounded RIGHT. Maybe not exciting and as exhilrating, but it felt like home, and I knew that I’d made the right decision after all.
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