So, a lot has happened this month! I was just reading my last blog to remind myself where I left off... Last month, to the day, I was supposedly heartbroken over Mohamad. Now, I've told him to fuck off, and he's out of my life as much as possible. We had a big falling out, he owes me money I'll never see, and I'm done with him. Halas. (That means 'its finished' in Arabic) He used and abused my friendship and hard work, and I told him to fuck off. Go me!! I'm actually quite proud of myself.
Well, the biggest new thing is Hamza. We're very much enamored of each other. I won't say we're in love, 'cause we're not. I'll jinx it if I say we are. Its more of a long term, love-growth thing. It works for us. We're happy, and thats about where we stop caring. I'm living with him 'cause my parents all but kicked me out. Well, they didn't quite kick me out, but basically... thats kinda what happened. So, I'm living with him, Abed and Tareq, our room mates. All three are from Palestine, er... West Bank, as its legally referred to nowadays. Life is crazy and wonderful and insanely busy. Hence me not having 15 spare minutes to keep you all updated and informed.
Oh, there is so much more, I just don't have the time nor want to write it. If you want to know more, you'll call or email me. Just know that life is goregous for me.
P.S. Hamza's gonna meet the family tomorrow! My sister's boyfriend (who none of us has met either) will be there, so it should be interesting to say the least. Anyways, mabye I'll be able to post about that next. Hopefully there'll be no drama!!
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Stupid Me
I am SO not happy right now. I just found out that Mohamad's wife in Egypt is expecting, and I am heartbroken. I don't know what I was thinking. That it was a dream, that I was over it - over him, I don't even know. However, I am heartbroken all over again. I feel like this came out of nowhere.
I was at Hamza's, and the guy's had gone to prayers, so I was just hanging out, talking to Mohamad. We were just chatting casually. About work, about Hamza and the boys working for him, about life in general. I asked how his family was. The conversation was going well, it was actually a great conversation. We both had the time to just talk about stuff. Life. I felt safe and comfortable. I let my guard down. The conversation was in safe territory, so I asked how his wife was, 'cause he doesn't say anything about her. It was the first time I've asked about her, and we both knew it. He said she was doing well and was pregnant. It hit me like a fucking truck, stole the breath from my body. I could actually hear my heart beating, and the blood rushing in my ears. I damn near passed out.
Hamza got back and walked in, and looked at me and sat down. He saw that I was upset, and I told Mohamad I had to go 'cause I was busy. He knew I wasn't, and didn't want to stop talking about how he wanted blonde babies, and if I would take care of his kids. I said I didn't know, 'cause they weren't mine. I said I'd love his kids 'cause they were his, and then repeated that I had to go. He asked why, and if Hamza had returned, 'cause he knew I was at their place just chillin'. I said I had to go cry, 'cause I was about to. He asked why, because I'd just told him I was happy for him.
What the fuck? Was I really going to tell him that he'd just broken my heart all over again, and that I felt like passing out or puking or sobbing my eyes out? Asshole. Of course I told him I was happy for him. What the fuck else was I supposed to say?
I feel like a moron. Hamza's now worried that I'm still in love with Mohamad, and now I am a little too. I know I love him, but I thought I'd gotten past the 'in love' part and had safely arrived at 'love him like a friend/brother.' I guess not. Now I don't know how to feel. I'm all torn up inside all over again, and I just... I don't know what. I just don't know anything anymore. I should have just stayed with the general term of 'family' instead of venturing into tricky 'wife' territory.
I'm supposed to break fast with him tomorrow, but I might just go and say hi and see what's up after I get off work and then bail out and go to Hamza's. Or I might just cancell altogether and go to Hamza's. I just need to feel loved right now. I need to sleep next to someone. I'm tired of being alone, even though technically I'm not anymore. I'm seeing Hamza now, and eventually I might marry him. I just feel really alone here dripping tears to no one but this damn computer. Fuck. I am a moron.
I was at Hamza's, and the guy's had gone to prayers, so I was just hanging out, talking to Mohamad. We were just chatting casually. About work, about Hamza and the boys working for him, about life in general. I asked how his family was. The conversation was going well, it was actually a great conversation. We both had the time to just talk about stuff. Life. I felt safe and comfortable. I let my guard down. The conversation was in safe territory, so I asked how his wife was, 'cause he doesn't say anything about her. It was the first time I've asked about her, and we both knew it. He said she was doing well and was pregnant. It hit me like a fucking truck, stole the breath from my body. I could actually hear my heart beating, and the blood rushing in my ears. I damn near passed out.
Hamza got back and walked in, and looked at me and sat down. He saw that I was upset, and I told Mohamad I had to go 'cause I was busy. He knew I wasn't, and didn't want to stop talking about how he wanted blonde babies, and if I would take care of his kids. I said I didn't know, 'cause they weren't mine. I said I'd love his kids 'cause they were his, and then repeated that I had to go. He asked why, and if Hamza had returned, 'cause he knew I was at their place just chillin'. I said I had to go cry, 'cause I was about to. He asked why, because I'd just told him I was happy for him.
What the fuck? Was I really going to tell him that he'd just broken my heart all over again, and that I felt like passing out or puking or sobbing my eyes out? Asshole. Of course I told him I was happy for him. What the fuck else was I supposed to say?
I feel like a moron. Hamza's now worried that I'm still in love with Mohamad, and now I am a little too. I know I love him, but I thought I'd gotten past the 'in love' part and had safely arrived at 'love him like a friend/brother.' I guess not. Now I don't know how to feel. I'm all torn up inside all over again, and I just... I don't know what. I just don't know anything anymore. I should have just stayed with the general term of 'family' instead of venturing into tricky 'wife' territory.
I'm supposed to break fast with him tomorrow, but I might just go and say hi and see what's up after I get off work and then bail out and go to Hamza's. Or I might just cancell altogether and go to Hamza's. I just need to feel loved right now. I need to sleep next to someone. I'm tired of being alone, even though technically I'm not anymore. I'm seeing Hamza now, and eventually I might marry him. I just feel really alone here dripping tears to no one but this damn computer. Fuck. I am a moron.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Yes! I am officially the biggest loser ever! (the short version)
Yesterday sucked.
I got engaged, but then broken up with.
It was kind of tough trying not to cry all day or night.
I was exhausted. 4 nights with less than 10 hours sleep total = not good.
My dog was hit by a car and killed.
I got a flat tire.
I was bitched at by both parents.
I got mooned and had a beer bottle thrown at me while sobbing my eyes out in a deserted parking lot in the middle of the night where I was stuck because of said flat tire.
Yay.
Read the long one if you want to know more.
I got engaged, but then broken up with.
It was kind of tough trying not to cry all day or night.
I was exhausted. 4 nights with less than 10 hours sleep total = not good.
My dog was hit by a car and killed.
I got a flat tire.
I was bitched at by both parents.
I got mooned and had a beer bottle thrown at me while sobbing my eyes out in a deserted parking lot in the middle of the night where I was stuck because of said flat tire.
Yay.
Read the long one if you want to know more.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Bec & G Do Seattle
Scene: Saturday night, downtown Seattle.
After I got off work at the gyro shop, I picked up Bec and we met Andrew and Amanda down at Pier 70 for the last hour of Hempfest. On the way in, Becca was looking into cars going 'yep, they're going to hempfest. Nope, they're wearing suits, they're NOT going to hempfest.' There was a totally good vibe from those attending, you can be sure. Their eyes were red and slitted, and most of them were smiling and listening to a lovely form of music I adore and will refer to as 'stonerific.' We didn't get to hear many bands, but we saw a lot of dirty hippies, to the adoration of my sister. The four of us spent most of that time looking for Andrew's lost Uncle John in the crowds. We never did find him, but we know he went off with a hooker named Latisha or Lafawnda. Yeah. We made that up.
So, after we got booted out of 'fest due to closing, we walked down the waterfront to Zaina, which is on Cherry & First. Amanda and Andrew had been walking a lot, in the sun, sweating, and both had chaffed their, ahem, parts, so walking along was slow, as they were both doing a kind of duck waddle type stroll. Hilarious. Next time you see Andrew, ask how is nuts are, or 'perineum' to be specific. Amanda might still be able to have children. We're not sure.
At Zaina we smoked hookah until we were all buzzed as crap, lauging about nothing and talking to strangers, all of us blowing around sweet smelling smoke. I freaking love that place. Arabic and R&B music, multiethnicities all co-mingling in one relaxed and comfortable location with hookahs. What could be better? Well, it would be better if we could smoke things other than shisha, but who's complaining? I love shisha. After we all agreed the hookah was smoked out, and we wanted to move on, we took a cab to Chop Suey, which was on 14th and Madison, to meet up with Andrew's friends from hempfest.
Chop Suey was freaking awesome. I'm gonna have to go back. Wisdom, Ras Attitude and another guy I can't remember his name rocked us a killer show. Rap/R&B with a regge quality to a latin/arabic-esque beats. Very cool. 'Manda and I shook our asses while Bec and Andrew just kind of chilled. She was kinda trippin' due to some special cookies from the 'fest, but I was just chillin', feelin' the music and having a good time shakin' my ass. Its just how I roll. Becca saw and almost-knife-fight happen when she was outside on the corner struttin' her stuff tryin' to pick up tricks... okay she was actually cooling off 'cause it was like a sweaty oven inside.
However, that was a slightly twisted highlight.
When we decided it was pass-out time we took a scary cab ride back to our cars over on 1st and Denny and split up and went home. However, Becca and I were almost made hood ornaments on a cop car who flipped his shit on and scared the crap out of us as we were crossing the street to our car. We later learned that he was in a hurry to get to a shooting, which we also managed to see.
There were bodies on the ground, at least a dozen cop cars (I swear to God!), three firetrucks, two ambulances and lots of people milling around. We pulled up just as they were putting the tape up, and got rerouted around the block. Ya know, I try hard not to discriminate, but there were a ton of black men there, all looking pretty fucking intimidating to Bec and I. So, we got rerouted again and had to drive by again, only to see blood and guns where the bodies had been. Yay for us.
Because we were rerouted, OR because it was almost 3:00 AM, we got a little, okay, LONG-ASS tour of parts of Seattle that we hadn't seen much of before. (For all you dumbasses who don't know what that means... we got lost.) It took us quite some time to find the freeway, as I'd make a decision which way to turn, then she'd tell me which way to turn, and then we were just driving around, exactly the way we'd come, giggling madly and listening to 103.7, the late night station for old hippies, stoners and clubbers like us. Eventually we made it to 520 and safely arrived home. We ate some leftover gyros (so freaking good cold when you're hungry!) and called it a night.
What can I say? We know how to have a good time, us Spiller girls. Thank you downtown Seattle for a lovely Saturday night.
After I got off work at the gyro shop, I picked up Bec and we met Andrew and Amanda down at Pier 70 for the last hour of Hempfest. On the way in, Becca was looking into cars going 'yep, they're going to hempfest. Nope, they're wearing suits, they're NOT going to hempfest.' There was a totally good vibe from those attending, you can be sure. Their eyes were red and slitted, and most of them were smiling and listening to a lovely form of music I adore and will refer to as 'stonerific.' We didn't get to hear many bands, but we saw a lot of dirty hippies, to the adoration of my sister. The four of us spent most of that time looking for Andrew's lost Uncle John in the crowds. We never did find him, but we know he went off with a hooker named Latisha or Lafawnda. Yeah. We made that up.
So, after we got booted out of 'fest due to closing, we walked down the waterfront to Zaina, which is on Cherry & First. Amanda and Andrew had been walking a lot, in the sun, sweating, and both had chaffed their, ahem, parts, so walking along was slow, as they were both doing a kind of duck waddle type stroll. Hilarious. Next time you see Andrew, ask how is nuts are, or 'perineum' to be specific. Amanda might still be able to have children. We're not sure.
At Zaina we smoked hookah until we were all buzzed as crap, lauging about nothing and talking to strangers, all of us blowing around sweet smelling smoke. I freaking love that place. Arabic and R&B music, multiethnicities all co-mingling in one relaxed and comfortable location with hookahs. What could be better? Well, it would be better if we could smoke things other than shisha, but who's complaining? I love shisha. After we all agreed the hookah was smoked out, and we wanted to move on, we took a cab to Chop Suey, which was on 14th and Madison, to meet up with Andrew's friends from hempfest.
Chop Suey was freaking awesome. I'm gonna have to go back. Wisdom, Ras Attitude and another guy I can't remember his name rocked us a killer show. Rap/R&B with a regge quality to a latin/arabic-esque beats. Very cool. 'Manda and I shook our asses while Bec and Andrew just kind of chilled. She was kinda trippin' due to some special cookies from the 'fest, but I was just chillin', feelin' the music and having a good time shakin' my ass. Its just how I roll. Becca saw and almost-knife-fight happen when she was outside on the corner struttin' her stuff tryin' to pick up tricks... okay she was actually cooling off 'cause it was like a sweaty oven inside.
However, that was a slightly twisted highlight.
When we decided it was pass-out time we took a scary cab ride back to our cars over on 1st and Denny and split up and went home. However, Becca and I were almost made hood ornaments on a cop car who flipped his shit on and scared the crap out of us as we were crossing the street to our car. We later learned that he was in a hurry to get to a shooting, which we also managed to see.
There were bodies on the ground, at least a dozen cop cars (I swear to God!), three firetrucks, two ambulances and lots of people milling around. We pulled up just as they were putting the tape up, and got rerouted around the block. Ya know, I try hard not to discriminate, but there were a ton of black men there, all looking pretty fucking intimidating to Bec and I. So, we got rerouted again and had to drive by again, only to see blood and guns where the bodies had been. Yay for us.
Because we were rerouted, OR because it was almost 3:00 AM, we got a little, okay, LONG-ASS tour of parts of Seattle that we hadn't seen much of before. (For all you dumbasses who don't know what that means... we got lost.) It took us quite some time to find the freeway, as I'd make a decision which way to turn, then she'd tell me which way to turn, and then we were just driving around, exactly the way we'd come, giggling madly and listening to 103.7, the late night station for old hippies, stoners and clubbers like us. Eventually we made it to 520 and safely arrived home. We ate some leftover gyros (so freaking good cold when you're hungry!) and called it a night.
What can I say? We know how to have a good time, us Spiller girls. Thank you downtown Seattle for a lovely Saturday night.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Writin' it out
Yeah. So, I kind of had a kind of shitty week. Drama at the gyro stand (as usual!!!), Mom and Dad were out of town with the dogs, so I was alone with the house to myself. I had no schedule, really, and I do better with some structure to my days. Late nights, Becca (my little sis) was pretty verbose about her new boyfriend, and I haven't been able to talk to Mohamad in almost 2 weeks now... and drama at the office too. It just wasn't a good week, ya know?
But, its all good. Its Sunday night, I've got a glass of chocolate milk and a couple diet cookies, I'm starting to feel my medication kick in and make me stoned-feeling, and tomorrow is the beginning of a new week, so its all good.
As it turns out, the drama at the gyro stand isn't my concern. At the office either. I just stress that I can't do anything about it when I know I could if it were my place to do so, but it's not, in either case. The guys are content and tolerant with the situation at the gyro stand, and they only have to put up with it for a matter of weeks now... until Sept 13th at the latest. Issues at the office suck, but whatever, its really not my place to interfere or play referee, so fuck them with their problems. Why do they have to rope me into crap?
No one has been able to catch Mohamad for over a week, so he isn't really ignoring ME, like I thought, he's ignoring EVERYONE, or he's out of cell range or something. Who the fuck knows? But he isn't ignoring just me, so I feel better. Mmmm, chocolate milk.
Becca has been tearing my ear off about Omeed, talking off and on with him all day and night while I haven't been able to chat with Mohamad, and that's kind of a big downer, but its all good. Mohamad will come home soon, Sept 13th at the latest, so that's okay. I can deal with that. Its a matter of days, really. She won't get to see Omeed for over a month, and that sucks. I can deal though. If I can wait 8 weeks, I can wait another couple.
Exhaustion doesn't make things any easier either. I get low when I'm tired, and I've been burning the candle at both ends for the past couple days. But, tomorrow is a new week. Opportunities await. Patience is key, and I'm following my heart. Good attitude for tomorrow, eh? :) Oh, and we went to a kick ass show after Zaina and Hempfest last night. I'll write about that tomorrow.
Much love to my peeps. Especially one in Canadia. :)
But, its all good. Its Sunday night, I've got a glass of chocolate milk and a couple diet cookies, I'm starting to feel my medication kick in and make me stoned-feeling, and tomorrow is the beginning of a new week, so its all good.
As it turns out, the drama at the gyro stand isn't my concern. At the office either. I just stress that I can't do anything about it when I know I could if it were my place to do so, but it's not, in either case. The guys are content and tolerant with the situation at the gyro stand, and they only have to put up with it for a matter of weeks now... until Sept 13th at the latest. Issues at the office suck, but whatever, its really not my place to interfere or play referee, so fuck them with their problems. Why do they have to rope me into crap?
No one has been able to catch Mohamad for over a week, so he isn't really ignoring ME, like I thought, he's ignoring EVERYONE, or he's out of cell range or something. Who the fuck knows? But he isn't ignoring just me, so I feel better. Mmmm, chocolate milk.
Becca has been tearing my ear off about Omeed, talking off and on with him all day and night while I haven't been able to chat with Mohamad, and that's kind of a big downer, but its all good. Mohamad will come home soon, Sept 13th at the latest, so that's okay. I can deal with that. Its a matter of days, really. She won't get to see Omeed for over a month, and that sucks. I can deal though. If I can wait 8 weeks, I can wait another couple.
Exhaustion doesn't make things any easier either. I get low when I'm tired, and I've been burning the candle at both ends for the past couple days. But, tomorrow is a new week. Opportunities await. Patience is key, and I'm following my heart. Good attitude for tomorrow, eh? :) Oh, and we went to a kick ass show after Zaina and Hempfest last night. I'll write about that tomorrow.
Much love to my peeps. Especially one in Canadia. :)
Friday, August 11, 2006
No more Salah!
Hell fucking yeah! So this total asshole I've been forced to work with for the past 6 weeks got in a fight with the manager last night, and apparently isn't working for us anymore. I just found out. How freaking sweet is that?!? This man has been making my life kind of shitty for the past couple weeks, and I have to say, I'm glad to see him go, the dickhead.
Hell yeah. My day just got SO much better!
LATE ADDITION ON: 8/20/06
Yeah, so he still works at the stand. He and Luis, the nice Peruvian guy I hired, got in a fight, and Luis called the cops and a whole lot of shit went down, but fucking Salah is still here. No Luis, but I get stuck with Salah. Crap. I can't wait for Mohamad to get home and fire his ass. Bastard. I want to learn how to swear in Arabic just so I can bitch him out, the fucker.
Gee, do you think I like him?? Its awesome being me.
Hell yeah. My day just got SO much better!
LATE ADDITION ON: 8/20/06
Yeah, so he still works at the stand. He and Luis, the nice Peruvian guy I hired, got in a fight, and Luis called the cops and a whole lot of shit went down, but fucking Salah is still here. No Luis, but I get stuck with Salah. Crap. I can't wait for Mohamad to get home and fire his ass. Bastard. I want to learn how to swear in Arabic just so I can bitch him out, the fucker.
Gee, do you think I like him?? Its awesome being me.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Golden Pink
Huh. I'm stuck at work on this glorious day. At least I have air conditioning! That makes me happy and relieved.
This weekend was so wonderful. My parents and I went camping at our family property (to which you are all invited the last weekend of August!!) on the Wynoochee River in Grays Harbor County. Pretty much you take I-5 down to Olympia and then 512 or 510 (I forget) towards the coast, then stop at Montesano, the little town that has harbored my mom's side of the family for eons.
Anyways, the weather was amazingly hot, the river was cool, and the forest smelled and looked amazing and healthy. To say the least, I am sun tanned pink all over. Mmmm. Don't you love the smell of sun tanned skin? I do.
We were supposed to go to a baby shower for a cousin, but my uncle showed up and told us all my little cousins were coming up for the day to play in the river, so we kind of skipped it. I feel kinda bad about missing it, but to have the chance to play with my little cousins (of which there are 4) was too great to pass up. It was the best day I've had in a long long time. Besides, who wants to be cooped up at a baby shower when the weather was so perfect, and there was a river to swim in? Yeah. I couldn't.
The only bad thing about this weekend was the fact that I missed three phonecalls from Mohamad. I'm REALLY bummed out about that, as he hasn't called much, and I missed 3 (!!) calls. Damn. I can't reach him on his cell either. I fucking hate that cell, as I haven't been able to catch him with it yet. Stupid fucking cell.
But the river and camping was great. I laid out in the sun sans clothing and recited Arabic from the cool set of CD's I got. I now know how to say quite a bit. Yay! So, on the whole, the weekend was great. I feel connected to my roots again, and relaxed and happy. I hope the feeling lasts.
This weekend was so wonderful. My parents and I went camping at our family property (to which you are all invited the last weekend of August!!) on the Wynoochee River in Grays Harbor County. Pretty much you take I-5 down to Olympia and then 512 or 510 (I forget) towards the coast, then stop at Montesano, the little town that has harbored my mom's side of the family for eons.
Anyways, the weather was amazingly hot, the river was cool, and the forest smelled and looked amazing and healthy. To say the least, I am sun tanned pink all over. Mmmm. Don't you love the smell of sun tanned skin? I do.
We were supposed to go to a baby shower for a cousin, but my uncle showed up and told us all my little cousins were coming up for the day to play in the river, so we kind of skipped it. I feel kinda bad about missing it, but to have the chance to play with my little cousins (of which there are 4) was too great to pass up. It was the best day I've had in a long long time. Besides, who wants to be cooped up at a baby shower when the weather was so perfect, and there was a river to swim in? Yeah. I couldn't.
The only bad thing about this weekend was the fact that I missed three phonecalls from Mohamad. I'm REALLY bummed out about that, as he hasn't called much, and I missed 3 (!!) calls. Damn. I can't reach him on his cell either. I fucking hate that cell, as I haven't been able to catch him with it yet. Stupid fucking cell.
But the river and camping was great. I laid out in the sun sans clothing and recited Arabic from the cool set of CD's I got. I now know how to say quite a bit. Yay! So, on the whole, the weekend was great. I feel connected to my roots again, and relaxed and happy. I hope the feeling lasts.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Beer Garden Blood
Yeah, so I thought I'd catch you all up on my recent drunken activities. Two weekends ago, on the 8th of July, I got totally tanked as shit and did a whole bunch of crazy stuff I don't really remember well. OH yeah!
It started out as an enjoyable-enough day. My parents had been out of town, and I was antsy to do something. So, I called Jess, and she invited me to come out to Vashon for Strawberry Festival. I acquiesced and packed some crap in an overnight bag. I then emptied a bottle of wine between two lidded coffee cups and hit the road. To say the least, I drank both those mugs of wine by the time I reached the Fauntleroy ferry, and was feeling just super. (By the way, this is the first time I've EVER drank while driving. It is NOT a habit, and I already have massive guilt and regret, so don't give me shit. This is kind of like confession. Kind of.)
So, by the time I got to Jess's house, I was in superb spirits. We ended up heading up to a beer garden with a live band, etc. We met a couple of her mom's friends and continued drinking. I had 2 keg cups full of wine and some guy's beer. I was dancing and laughing and supposedly making moves on on of Jess's Mom's friend's husband. Everyone found that hilarious. Eventually, we quit the beer garden (as the band left) and stumbled outside so Jess could have a smoke and continue chatting with friends. I remember walking/stumbling out of the beer garden, but at this point things become VERY hazy, if not just plain non existant in my memory.
I've been told that while standing/trying to stand outside I hit on another guy Jess was talking to, who was apparently the guy I'd been 'making moves' on's son. Go me. Father and Son. But fuck it, I don't really care, its not like anything happened, or was going to. All in an evening's fun, right?
So then Jess and I walked to the car, which was parked a couple blocks down from the beer garden. I think I was being loud and stumbling around a lot, or so I've been told. When we reached the car, (this is something I THINK I remember) I kept walking past it. I think I had it in my mind that we were too drunk to drive home, so we were going to walk, or I was. Jess's house is only another couple blocks away. So, I started to walk home, I guess. Its kind of a downhill road, and I remember jogging and laughing hilariously at the top of my lungs, completely out of control in my own imagined mirth. This is something I do remember, the sublime feeling of freedom and joy I had as I drunkenly jogged down the side of the road, laughing endlessly at this experience we call life. It was an ethereal experience.
But, Jess came along and picked me up in the car after asking two guys if they'd seen a drunk girl come past. They laughed and pointed her in my direction. Yay for drunks! At least we're entertaining, right? RRIIIGGGHHHTTT.
I've been told that when we arrived back at Jess's house I passed out on her kitchen floor for a couple hours, and then managed to make it into her bathroom to puke all over the floor and then pass out again. Marah, Jess's sister, found me passed out on the bathroom floor, checked that I was breathing, and left me. Good job Marah!
I remember waking up in Jess's bed the next morning. So, my only solid memories go stright from exiting the beer garden to waking up in bed. When I woke up, it was to Jess putting her legs on mine 'cause apparently I was taking up most of the bed. There was extreme pain, so I sat up and looked. My legs were spattered with dried blood, and there were scratches, abbrasions and scabs everywhere. My left knee was bloodied, and inner thigh was all scraped to crap. I managed to bruise and scrape the shit out of the tops of both feet, from toes to ankle, give myself a nice raspberry on my right hip, and bruise my right shoulder and eye/temple area. I woke up and my right eye was all fucked up and sore. Go me!
So yeah, I took a little bit of a drunkstumble, I guess. But, Jess wasn't too pissed. She even cleaned up the puke on the bathroom rug for me. Isn't she the best friend ever?!? I think she's nice about it so she can give me shit for the rest of my life. Sound about right, Jess? :)
I also ripped my favorite skirt, lost a flip-flop to Jess's dogs, and put a hole in my favorite summer sweater. :( But I wasn't that hungover the next day, so that was cool. I think it was more like a 3-day hangover, 'cause my body chemistry was WAY off for a couple days. When we actually got out of bed, we decided to get some food. We ended up at a Mexican (I know, SO easy on the stomach, eh?) restaurant, and had a mango margarita on the patio outside, under the shade of a gigantic umbrella. It was windy, so I was holding the umbrella still at the point where the umbrella went through the hole in the center of the table. Well, so make a long story shorter, the wind picked up, and the umbrella rolled over my hand, pinching it between the umbrella and the table, and gave me a horrid blood blister.
Combine the hungover state I was in, the margarita, the pain (which I DO NOT handle well) and whatever else, and you get me going into shock. I had the cold sweats, tunnel vision, nausea, and was about to either pass out or blow Mexican food chunks all over the table before I realized what was happening and got some icewater on my forehead. I made it okay, but fuck, that sucked.
So, currently, I still have a scab on my knee, scrapes on my thigh and ankles, and a half-healed blood blister on my left pinkie finger. Go big or go home, huh? I used to think that was a good motto, but I'm not thinking so much right now. I think moderation is something I need to seriously try and incorporate more of into my life.
It started out as an enjoyable-enough day. My parents had been out of town, and I was antsy to do something. So, I called Jess, and she invited me to come out to Vashon for Strawberry Festival. I acquiesced and packed some crap in an overnight bag. I then emptied a bottle of wine between two lidded coffee cups and hit the road. To say the least, I drank both those mugs of wine by the time I reached the Fauntleroy ferry, and was feeling just super. (By the way, this is the first time I've EVER drank while driving. It is NOT a habit, and I already have massive guilt and regret, so don't give me shit. This is kind of like confession. Kind of.)
So, by the time I got to Jess's house, I was in superb spirits. We ended up heading up to a beer garden with a live band, etc. We met a couple of her mom's friends and continued drinking. I had 2 keg cups full of wine and some guy's beer. I was dancing and laughing and supposedly making moves on on of Jess's Mom's friend's husband. Everyone found that hilarious. Eventually, we quit the beer garden (as the band left) and stumbled outside so Jess could have a smoke and continue chatting with friends. I remember walking/stumbling out of the beer garden, but at this point things become VERY hazy, if not just plain non existant in my memory.
I've been told that while standing/trying to stand outside I hit on another guy Jess was talking to, who was apparently the guy I'd been 'making moves' on's son. Go me. Father and Son. But fuck it, I don't really care, its not like anything happened, or was going to. All in an evening's fun, right?
So then Jess and I walked to the car, which was parked a couple blocks down from the beer garden. I think I was being loud and stumbling around a lot, or so I've been told. When we reached the car, (this is something I THINK I remember) I kept walking past it. I think I had it in my mind that we were too drunk to drive home, so we were going to walk, or I was. Jess's house is only another couple blocks away. So, I started to walk home, I guess. Its kind of a downhill road, and I remember jogging and laughing hilariously at the top of my lungs, completely out of control in my own imagined mirth. This is something I do remember, the sublime feeling of freedom and joy I had as I drunkenly jogged down the side of the road, laughing endlessly at this experience we call life. It was an ethereal experience.
But, Jess came along and picked me up in the car after asking two guys if they'd seen a drunk girl come past. They laughed and pointed her in my direction. Yay for drunks! At least we're entertaining, right? RRIIIGGGHHHTTT.
I've been told that when we arrived back at Jess's house I passed out on her kitchen floor for a couple hours, and then managed to make it into her bathroom to puke all over the floor and then pass out again. Marah, Jess's sister, found me passed out on the bathroom floor, checked that I was breathing, and left me. Good job Marah!
I remember waking up in Jess's bed the next morning. So, my only solid memories go stright from exiting the beer garden to waking up in bed. When I woke up, it was to Jess putting her legs on mine 'cause apparently I was taking up most of the bed. There was extreme pain, so I sat up and looked. My legs were spattered with dried blood, and there were scratches, abbrasions and scabs everywhere. My left knee was bloodied, and inner thigh was all scraped to crap. I managed to bruise and scrape the shit out of the tops of both feet, from toes to ankle, give myself a nice raspberry on my right hip, and bruise my right shoulder and eye/temple area. I woke up and my right eye was all fucked up and sore. Go me!
So yeah, I took a little bit of a drunkstumble, I guess. But, Jess wasn't too pissed. She even cleaned up the puke on the bathroom rug for me. Isn't she the best friend ever?!? I think she's nice about it so she can give me shit for the rest of my life. Sound about right, Jess? :)
I also ripped my favorite skirt, lost a flip-flop to Jess's dogs, and put a hole in my favorite summer sweater. :( But I wasn't that hungover the next day, so that was cool. I think it was more like a 3-day hangover, 'cause my body chemistry was WAY off for a couple days. When we actually got out of bed, we decided to get some food. We ended up at a Mexican (I know, SO easy on the stomach, eh?) restaurant, and had a mango margarita on the patio outside, under the shade of a gigantic umbrella. It was windy, so I was holding the umbrella still at the point where the umbrella went through the hole in the center of the table. Well, so make a long story shorter, the wind picked up, and the umbrella rolled over my hand, pinching it between the umbrella and the table, and gave me a horrid blood blister.
Combine the hungover state I was in, the margarita, the pain (which I DO NOT handle well) and whatever else, and you get me going into shock. I had the cold sweats, tunnel vision, nausea, and was about to either pass out or blow Mexican food chunks all over the table before I realized what was happening and got some icewater on my forehead. I made it okay, but fuck, that sucked.
So, currently, I still have a scab on my knee, scrapes on my thigh and ankles, and a half-healed blood blister on my left pinkie finger. Go big or go home, huh? I used to think that was a good motto, but I'm not thinking so much right now. I think moderation is something I need to seriously try and incorporate more of into my life.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
4 Stresses
Whoa. I'm tired. I've got a lot on my mind, and can't seem to focus on anything long enough to make a decision or determine anything definite.
Stress #1 Mohamad is in Egypt. Okay, fine, I miss him horribly and can't reach him on his phone. I have no idea where he is, when he'll be back, if he's okay and everything. More than slightly tense about this.
Stress #2 Becca is in Israel, which is currently invading Lebanon. Well, no worries there, my younger sister is just caught in a warzone, an hour away from bombings in Haifa. Good times, right?
Stress #3 My parents are selling the business, so I'm gonna be out of a job and in need of housing in the next 6-9 months. Kind of scary. I can handle this okay, I just need to get a career job that can support me and give me health care coverage and hopefully benefits - the sooner the better. But its still stressful.
Sterss #4 Hmm. This would be just the usual stresses; money, sleep, etc. I can never get enough of both.
My Arabic is coming along nicely though, so that's good news. I made $50 yesterday, its money in my pocket though. Good times.
I'm listening to "Amber" by 311. Its a good song for me to listen to right now. Chill, relaxed and comforting while still upbeat. I need to make some decisions, and have patience, and everything will work out in the end right? Right.
Stress #1 Mohamad is in Egypt. Okay, fine, I miss him horribly and can't reach him on his phone. I have no idea where he is, when he'll be back, if he's okay and everything. More than slightly tense about this.
Stress #2 Becca is in Israel, which is currently invading Lebanon. Well, no worries there, my younger sister is just caught in a warzone, an hour away from bombings in Haifa. Good times, right?
Stress #3 My parents are selling the business, so I'm gonna be out of a job and in need of housing in the next 6-9 months. Kind of scary. I can handle this okay, I just need to get a career job that can support me and give me health care coverage and hopefully benefits - the sooner the better. But its still stressful.
Sterss #4 Hmm. This would be just the usual stresses; money, sleep, etc. I can never get enough of both.
My Arabic is coming along nicely though, so that's good news. I made $50 yesterday, its money in my pocket though. Good times.
I'm listening to "Amber" by 311. Its a good song for me to listen to right now. Chill, relaxed and comforting while still upbeat. I need to make some decisions, and have patience, and everything will work out in the end right? Right.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Feeling Slightly Blue
Feeling slightly blue
Current mood: discontent
My parents are out of town, and I've got the whole house to myself. They even took the yappy dogs. You'd think I'd be more chipper than this, but I'm just not. Sal is here, but he's more of a pain in the ass than anything else. Stupid fuzzy cat that sheds all over everything!
My honey's in Egypt for the next couple weeks, and I miss him horribly. Especially right now, when I'm considering going to bed...alone and in an empty house. By myself. All alone, with just a mangey cat for annoyance. I called him earlier, but he's apparently asleep still. For the love of Allah, it's at least 9AM there, and its not like he needs beauty sleep or anything.
I don't like the jobs I'm working. I'm discontent with them. At one job I work with some guys who aren't so fun, and don't like working with a girl. Its at Mohamad's business, and I'm working there as a favor, so I'll stick to it 'cause I love him and would do just about anything for him. But it doesn't make it any easier. The other is my dad's office, and its basically just me and Judy and Dominica - meaning me in my office in the back, Judy at the front desk and Dominica giving massages in her room. I'm pretty secluded back there, and am bit lonely today. I spend most of the day alone. Bummer, huh? I know, I know, poor me.
Also, I'm trying to learn Arabic, but need a tutor. You can't pick up an accent or proper pronunciation from a book, no matter how hard you study, especially when things are spelled phonetically, and spelled differently in each book or website I go to. Kinda frustrating. I'm frustrated with my rate of learning. If you know of anyone who speaks Arabic and is willing to tutor, please email me about it, I need help!
I just don't want to go to bed alone. I mean, in an empty house. I don't like relying on TV for companionship, and I have been the past couple evenings. Kind of sucks. I don't need/want to meet any new guys, as I've found the one and only... he's just not here at the moment. All my girls live pretty far away, it seems. Or, I haven't seen any of them in a couple days. Meh.
Just feeling sorry for myself at the moment. Don't worry, I'll go sleep it off and cause some trouble tomorrow. :)
Current mood: discontent
My parents are out of town, and I've got the whole house to myself. They even took the yappy dogs. You'd think I'd be more chipper than this, but I'm just not. Sal is here, but he's more of a pain in the ass than anything else. Stupid fuzzy cat that sheds all over everything!
My honey's in Egypt for the next couple weeks, and I miss him horribly. Especially right now, when I'm considering going to bed...alone and in an empty house. By myself. All alone, with just a mangey cat for annoyance. I called him earlier, but he's apparently asleep still. For the love of Allah, it's at least 9AM there, and its not like he needs beauty sleep or anything.
I don't like the jobs I'm working. I'm discontent with them. At one job I work with some guys who aren't so fun, and don't like working with a girl. Its at Mohamad's business, and I'm working there as a favor, so I'll stick to it 'cause I love him and would do just about anything for him. But it doesn't make it any easier. The other is my dad's office, and its basically just me and Judy and Dominica - meaning me in my office in the back, Judy at the front desk and Dominica giving massages in her room. I'm pretty secluded back there, and am bit lonely today. I spend most of the day alone. Bummer, huh? I know, I know, poor me.
Also, I'm trying to learn Arabic, but need a tutor. You can't pick up an accent or proper pronunciation from a book, no matter how hard you study, especially when things are spelled phonetically, and spelled differently in each book or website I go to. Kinda frustrating. I'm frustrated with my rate of learning. If you know of anyone who speaks Arabic and is willing to tutor, please email me about it, I need help!
I just don't want to go to bed alone. I mean, in an empty house. I don't like relying on TV for companionship, and I have been the past couple evenings. Kind of sucks. I don't need/want to meet any new guys, as I've found the one and only... he's just not here at the moment. All my girls live pretty far away, it seems. Or, I haven't seen any of them in a couple days. Meh.
Just feeling sorry for myself at the moment. Don't worry, I'll go sleep it off and cause some trouble tomorrow. :)
Thursday, July 6, 2006
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Doin' what I please
Current mood: happy
Category: Life
Life is gravy lately. I had a kickass birthday this past weekend, messed up in the woods on the river, just kickin' it with Jess and the fam. We drank one of those 'magnums' of wine each evening, topped off with cocktails from grandpa and more beer from the cooler. I might still be sobering up. :) The walks in the woods were pretty killer too.
Saturday night, after we'd arrived and set up our tent, Jess and I set out to walk the property and get baked as shit away from camp and the fam. (Hey, it was my birthday weekend - I don't condone it all the time... but camping birthday's are ok, right?) So, we headed out on the main trail. It was getting a bit dark, but there was still light in the sky. It was clear, stars were coming out, we'd had a magnum of wine, and life was pretty happy. The trail on our property winds along parallel to the river through a large grove of birch trees. Have you ever walked through a grove of birch trees before? The bark is next to white, and the foliage is emerald green. With the sun fading, the stars coming out, and darkness settling in upon us, it was as if we were walking through a fairy-inhabited forest. So freaking cool!
Anyways, that was just on the way out. After we'd arrived and inhaled our substance, life got even better. We were WAY more relaxed, and the forest just seemed alive with energy. It was definitely sending us good vibes, we're both sure of it. The trees just seemed to glow with greeness, and the bark stood out to direct us back to camp. We were laughing like drunk dumbasses all the way.
It was super cool, 'cause usually I'm afraid of the dark (yes, I'll admit it) and I didn't even freak out walking back to camp in the middle of the woods. How hilarious would I be if I ran flat out into camp, yelling at the top of my lungs for the 'boogey man' to stop chasing me? Given how stoned I was, it would have probably have been Jess. I think it helped that we didn't have a flashlight. We were walking around in the dark, and it just felt so much more open and safe without the light. We could actually see everything, whereas if we'd had a flashlight, our vision would have been impaired and we could have only seen what the light was shining on. That, and there was no light to make shadows, thus no scary shadows to spook the shit out of me.
Anyways, I'd say the only bad thing about the weekend was that we ran out of 'stuff' before we got home, so the hangover prevention/healing/cure was not available, and we did get a little grumpy towards the end there. That, and there was a horrid family reunion. I hate this side of my family's reunions. I mean, I don't mind talking with any of the old people, but the cousins who are my age suck balls. They all live close together, and interact daily, so they all have a ton of experiences together, which they talk about the whole day. Its like they're a pack, and I'm not one of them. I don't know them, and have pretty much given up trying. Maybe someday we'll all be cool and have a good time, but until that happens, there's definitely a huge void. We probably all need to get shitty together so we have something to talk about. Who knows? I just feel like I don't fit in, which I'm sure a lot of people feel when they attend an FFO, or Forced Family Outing. But whatever, we got to eat a ton of awesome food. I mean, there were like 8 pies!! 2 blueberry! (My favorite pie)
Anyways, I had 4th of July on Vashon, where Jess lives, and it was FREAKING AMAZING. That HANDS DOWN, was the longest, most awesome fireworks display I've ever seen, and I've seen A LOT of them. About fifteen minutes in, I leaned over to Jess, and was like:
"Dude, this has got to be the finale. Freaking awesome."
She leaned over a couple minutes later, and was like "Hey, do you feel like a dumbass for calling 'finale' yet?"
I did. The show went on for at least a solid 20 minutes, and I'm probably cutting that back. It was probably more like half an hour. SERIOUSLY. Amazing.
We crashed a party on some beach where there was a barge full of fireworks to be lit. There was a decent live band, a seafood buffet, and an open bar - not to mention all the hottie guys there drinking and lighting shit on fire. My kind of men! Just kidding. Anyways, it was awesome. We lit off a couple hundred dollars worth of fireworks (man those guys were nice to share, eh?) and drank and just partied on the beach. Spectacular.
One of the best 4th of July's ever. And I got a new pair of shoes for my birthday. Yay!
Doin' what I please
Current mood: happy
Category: Life
Life is gravy lately. I had a kickass birthday this past weekend, messed up in the woods on the river, just kickin' it with Jess and the fam. We drank one of those 'magnums' of wine each evening, topped off with cocktails from grandpa and more beer from the cooler. I might still be sobering up. :) The walks in the woods were pretty killer too.
Saturday night, after we'd arrived and set up our tent, Jess and I set out to walk the property and get baked as shit away from camp and the fam. (Hey, it was my birthday weekend - I don't condone it all the time... but camping birthday's are ok, right?) So, we headed out on the main trail. It was getting a bit dark, but there was still light in the sky. It was clear, stars were coming out, we'd had a magnum of wine, and life was pretty happy. The trail on our property winds along parallel to the river through a large grove of birch trees. Have you ever walked through a grove of birch trees before? The bark is next to white, and the foliage is emerald green. With the sun fading, the stars coming out, and darkness settling in upon us, it was as if we were walking through a fairy-inhabited forest. So freaking cool!
Anyways, that was just on the way out. After we'd arrived and inhaled our substance, life got even better. We were WAY more relaxed, and the forest just seemed alive with energy. It was definitely sending us good vibes, we're both sure of it. The trees just seemed to glow with greeness, and the bark stood out to direct us back to camp. We were laughing like drunk dumbasses all the way.
It was super cool, 'cause usually I'm afraid of the dark (yes, I'll admit it) and I didn't even freak out walking back to camp in the middle of the woods. How hilarious would I be if I ran flat out into camp, yelling at the top of my lungs for the 'boogey man' to stop chasing me? Given how stoned I was, it would have probably have been Jess. I think it helped that we didn't have a flashlight. We were walking around in the dark, and it just felt so much more open and safe without the light. We could actually see everything, whereas if we'd had a flashlight, our vision would have been impaired and we could have only seen what the light was shining on. That, and there was no light to make shadows, thus no scary shadows to spook the shit out of me.
Anyways, I'd say the only bad thing about the weekend was that we ran out of 'stuff' before we got home, so the hangover prevention/healing/cure was not available, and we did get a little grumpy towards the end there. That, and there was a horrid family reunion. I hate this side of my family's reunions. I mean, I don't mind talking with any of the old people, but the cousins who are my age suck balls. They all live close together, and interact daily, so they all have a ton of experiences together, which they talk about the whole day. Its like they're a pack, and I'm not one of them. I don't know them, and have pretty much given up trying. Maybe someday we'll all be cool and have a good time, but until that happens, there's definitely a huge void. We probably all need to get shitty together so we have something to talk about. Who knows? I just feel like I don't fit in, which I'm sure a lot of people feel when they attend an FFO, or Forced Family Outing. But whatever, we got to eat a ton of awesome food. I mean, there were like 8 pies!! 2 blueberry! (My favorite pie)
Anyways, I had 4th of July on Vashon, where Jess lives, and it was FREAKING AMAZING. That HANDS DOWN, was the longest, most awesome fireworks display I've ever seen, and I've seen A LOT of them. About fifteen minutes in, I leaned over to Jess, and was like:
"Dude, this has got to be the finale. Freaking awesome."
She leaned over a couple minutes later, and was like "Hey, do you feel like a dumbass for calling 'finale' yet?"
I did. The show went on for at least a solid 20 minutes, and I'm probably cutting that back. It was probably more like half an hour. SERIOUSLY. Amazing.
We crashed a party on some beach where there was a barge full of fireworks to be lit. There was a decent live band, a seafood buffet, and an open bar - not to mention all the hottie guys there drinking and lighting shit on fire. My kind of men! Just kidding. Anyways, it was awesome. We lit off a couple hundred dollars worth of fireworks (man those guys were nice to share, eh?) and drank and just partied on the beach. Spectacular.
One of the best 4th of July's ever. And I got a new pair of shoes for my birthday. Yay!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Luck
I am an unlucky person. Just let me tell you that up front. I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing though, 'cause I know I have to work for what I want.
Whenever my sister and I would have to 'flip a coin' or 'draw straws' or whatever the fuck you do when you can't decide who's gonna do what, I would ALWAYS LOSE. It got to the point in my childhood and early adolescence that I'd just say fuck it and just start on with the shitty job instead of the easy one, just 'cause I knew it was pointless to actually 'rock paper scissor' it. I knew I'd lose.
And its not that I just think like a loser, and therefore am a loser. I have a great attitude, for the most part. I'm generally a positive person, and I like being a positive influence on the people in come into contact with on each given day. But I know I have bad luck in games of chance. I can walk into a casino on the arm of someone, and that person will win a million dollars. But I can't win myself. I'm a decent card player, I know tricks, how to read the deck, and I'm confident - all three good qualities to be a super card player that SHOULD win. But I don't.
Whenever my sister and I would have to 'flip a coin' or 'draw straws' or whatever the fuck you do when you can't decide who's gonna do what, I would ALWAYS LOSE. It got to the point in my childhood and early adolescence that I'd just say fuck it and just start on with the shitty job instead of the easy one, just 'cause I knew it was pointless to actually 'rock paper scissor' it. I knew I'd lose.
And its not that I just think like a loser, and therefore am a loser. I have a great attitude, for the most part. I'm generally a positive person, and I like being a positive influence on the people in come into contact with on each given day. But I know I have bad luck in games of chance. I can walk into a casino on the arm of someone, and that person will win a million dollars. But I can't win myself. I'm a decent card player, I know tricks, how to read the deck, and I'm confident - all three good qualities to be a super card player that SHOULD win. But I don't.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Happy Girl Again
Good stuff has happened recently. I'm not so stressed out anymore. Last week was pretty hellish, but I have the feeling this week will be pretty kick-ass. I'm health(ier) and definitely more happy than I was last week. I had a super weekend kickin' it with friends and bein' laid back and just chilln'. I laughed a lot this weekend, and that was just what I needed, apparently. I've regained my 'fuck it, I do what I want' attitude - which is a good thing, otherwise I just try and take on to much and attempt to save the world, which I can't do, then feel bad about failing. So, fuck it. I do what (and who) I want. :-)
So, I'm finally done with school. I walked in the ceremony Saturday in Cheney. I got my diploma months ago, but it was still good to walk in the ceremony, get some closure (mainly for the 'rents) and go back and visit one last time. Well, I might go back for a football game or two, but its a freaking long-ass drive, so it'd have to be sex, booze, or drugs (or all three combined, wink wink) to get me back over there any time soon.
I got to see a lot of people I haven't seen in months, so that was awesome. After the ceremony my 'rents and I went to an impromptu BBQ at Liz and Dave's. It was cool to me their families and hang out with a beer and whatnot. Mom was kind of riled up about graduation, so it was good to get a beer in her to calm her down. I wish Liz and Dave and I had had more time to hang out, but its all good. We met up at Denny's later, so it was cool.
Saturday night was the best part of the weekend. I got drunk as shit, and was just chillin', drinkin', shakin' my ass a bit to the music my friend Jess DJ'ed at The Basement. I hadn't been there since they remodeled it, and it looks good. I like it. Good vibes. I liked the music, the drinks were tasty, and there was a bit of a crowd. A drunk crowd at that. Good times! I got to chill with a whole bunch of people I haven't seen in months, and it rocked. Me being messed up didn't hurt either.
I love that point in the evening where you realize you're pretty hammered, and you ask youreself: "are you ready to get fucked up, or are you going to puss out and be moderate?" To say the least, I don't puss out much, and didn't Saturday night. It was a LOT of fun. Met some new people, had my ass grabbed by a couple drunk guys (all of whom I turned down, thank you very much - see moderation!!!), got hit on and flirted my way around the bar, hangin' with friends and just bein' drunk. I do love drinking in Cheney, I'll admit it.
I also love flirting. It could be my most favorite thing to do ever - lets just say I like it a lot more than I do a ton of other stuff. Its like putting sex and laughter together...what's bad about that, you ask? Nothing. Not a damn thing. Flirting is an art I am mastering to my own delight... and it is delightful!
Anyways, we ate at the magical Medical Lake Denny's for breakfast with Liz and Dave this morning, and my hangover disappeared. It could have been the beers I drank with my 'Moons over my Hammy' breakfast sandwich, but I'm pretty sure it was just the Medical Lake magic that saved my head from pounding and my body from exhaustion and the shakes. Or the delightfully cold Coors Light. Who's to say? :-) Yay for Denny's after drinking.
The drive home was pretty chill. The scenery was goregous, and we drove with the windows down most of the way. It was nice just to be out in the sun, listening to music, driving on a roadtrip. Jess and I were considerably relaxed for the better part of the drive, so that didn't hurt either.
So, I'm finally done with school. I walked in the ceremony Saturday in Cheney. I got my diploma months ago, but it was still good to walk in the ceremony, get some closure (mainly for the 'rents) and go back and visit one last time. Well, I might go back for a football game or two, but its a freaking long-ass drive, so it'd have to be sex, booze, or drugs (or all three combined, wink wink) to get me back over there any time soon.
I got to see a lot of people I haven't seen in months, so that was awesome. After the ceremony my 'rents and I went to an impromptu BBQ at Liz and Dave's. It was cool to me their families and hang out with a beer and whatnot. Mom was kind of riled up about graduation, so it was good to get a beer in her to calm her down. I wish Liz and Dave and I had had more time to hang out, but its all good. We met up at Denny's later, so it was cool.
Saturday night was the best part of the weekend. I got drunk as shit, and was just chillin', drinkin', shakin' my ass a bit to the music my friend Jess DJ'ed at The Basement. I hadn't been there since they remodeled it, and it looks good. I like it. Good vibes. I liked the music, the drinks were tasty, and there was a bit of a crowd. A drunk crowd at that. Good times! I got to chill with a whole bunch of people I haven't seen in months, and it rocked. Me being messed up didn't hurt either.
I love that point in the evening where you realize you're pretty hammered, and you ask youreself: "are you ready to get fucked up, or are you going to puss out and be moderate?" To say the least, I don't puss out much, and didn't Saturday night. It was a LOT of fun. Met some new people, had my ass grabbed by a couple drunk guys (all of whom I turned down, thank you very much - see moderation!!!), got hit on and flirted my way around the bar, hangin' with friends and just bein' drunk. I do love drinking in Cheney, I'll admit it.
I also love flirting. It could be my most favorite thing to do ever - lets just say I like it a lot more than I do a ton of other stuff. Its like putting sex and laughter together...what's bad about that, you ask? Nothing. Not a damn thing. Flirting is an art I am mastering to my own delight... and it is delightful!
Anyways, we ate at the magical Medical Lake Denny's for breakfast with Liz and Dave this morning, and my hangover disappeared. It could have been the beers I drank with my 'Moons over my Hammy' breakfast sandwich, but I'm pretty sure it was just the Medical Lake magic that saved my head from pounding and my body from exhaustion and the shakes. Or the delightfully cold Coors Light. Who's to say? :-) Yay for Denny's after drinking.
The drive home was pretty chill. The scenery was goregous, and we drove with the windows down most of the way. It was nice just to be out in the sun, listening to music, driving on a roadtrip. Jess and I were considerably relaxed for the better part of the drive, so that didn't hurt either.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Confused.. rewritten
My life is tangled up right now... and its driving me crazy. I like to be in control of what's happening in my life, or at least have a plan, and I'm really trying to let things out of my control not get to me, but its as if they're so numerous, I'm kind of falling apart. No, I'm not losing my grip on life or anything, I just feel like there are too many things that I don't have a hold on, and I'm uncomfortable with it. Most of my life is in limbo right now, and I don't like it at all. It feels like an earthquake came through and shook everything up. It's quite unnerving.
Professional life, social life, love life and health- those are the big four that I'd like to have a better grip on. Professional life, I'm a recent graduate who's looking for a career. I'm stuck at home 'cause I can't afford to move out... which affects both the social and love life. I can be patient with the professional life, 'cause I know that eventually I'll find a job that I like that I actually want that will pay decently. I just have to keep my chin up, keep looking and trying hard, and eventually something will work out. I know this, and I can wait it out. Patience is a virtue. I can deal with this part.
The job hunt is going okay. Interviews have come and gone, and I have more lined up for next week. The unnerving aspect of this part of my life is that my parents, who are also my current employers, are looking to sell both the house and the business and move within the next year. So, I need to find a job somewhat quickly that I enjoy and find satisfying that can pay the rent. And then I need to find a place to live to top that all off. I'm stressed about this, but know that everything will work out eventually. Big changes are happening, and I just don't feel like I have anything solid to grasp onto for stability. I'm workin' on it though.
Social life is another entity entirely. Its has picked up quickly recently. Bumped into yet another awesome group of friends I can't wait to see and hang with more. That's cool with me. Its crazy though... so many names and faces and things in common to remember. Kind of hectic. More friends are moving back into the area after finishing school for the year. This summer should rock my socks off, and I'm looking forward to it immensely. I tend jump into things with both feet, just on the chance that I might land well and find it worthwhile... but with my luck, I usually break a leg. I hope I don't hurt anything this time around.
Part of my social life would be my sister. She's one of my best friends, and I adore the crap out of her. She just finished spring quarter at Western, and has come home for a week before leaving on a trip to Israel for an archeological dig. She's really nervous/excited/freaking out about it, and so are my parents. Yes, I'm excited for her to get to go, 'cause this is the best dig site in the world for her to be at, but I'm also scared shitless for her 'cause its in Israel, the heart of the middle east, with whom we are at war. Scary. I'm surrounded by this anxiety from my family, and its wearing on me. They're all tired and anxious and snappish. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, trying to appease and comfort everyone and not provoke anything. I'm having a hard time relaxing at the moment, even in my own house.
Love life is what's got me torn most of all. Everything's just happened so fast, I'm having a hard time coping with all of it. I mean, its delightful and fun and amazing, but I'm overwhelmed. I'm not a player, but I feel like I am right now, and I don't like it. My morals and ethics have been put to the test, and I don't like what's up... what I've let happen. Not that I've let anything get too far, I've just always believed in one guy, one girl, one at a time, and my current state of affairs in this area challenge those ideals.
In the past three weeks I've been on dates with like, 5 different guys. (I'm not bragging. I may be cocky, but I'm not a braggart. There's a difference.) I'm trying to express how confused and just plain overwhelmed I am with it all at the moment. A friend put it well when he said "play the field if its good for you." I've been trying to, but have a hard time balancing everything out. I mean, I don't date. I haven't ever had a dating scene like this, and I'm so confused about what's going on, and I don't know what to do about it. I can't keep up. This area of my life is completely out control, and I don't like it, and am freaking out a bit about it.
I don't really like 'the scene' anymore. I used to, but I'm not really diggin' it right now. Just too stressful for me at the moment. As far as a relationship goes, I'd rather just hang out with someone who I thought was cool, and chill and have sex, and that be the relationship. Yes, I know that's impossible, and that emotions and feelings get in the way of that, but right now, I wish I didn't have them, 'cause they're fuckin' up my life. I'm so stressed about things, and there's nothing I can do about it but tell myself to breathe.
One guy I'm totally smitten with. My heart pounds when I think of him, I get the shivers when I think of his kisses. I want to see him, but he and I work completely opposite schedules, even just hanging out has been hard to do. That, and I kind of freaked out at him a little. I got too serious and probably scared the crap out of him. Totally sent him mixed signals, and probably confused the crap out of him too. I just got wound up in the moment and my daydreams, and probably wrecked any chance I had with him. So, I'm a little upset about that.
Two other guys I met on the same night, even kissed both of them on that same night. Nothing serious, and probably won't be anything serious with either of them, but they're both on my mind. I'm conflicted about the two in one night thing. No, there was no sex involved or anything, but I'm trying to uphold some morals and ethics here. I don't like it.
Another I met just last night. He's cool. I'd like to hang out with him more, and am looking forward to it. Yet again I got some gentlemanly attention, and while it was delightful, I'm torn about it. I just don't like the whole 'seeing more than one person' thing. I'm very conflicted about it, and don't know what to do, who to choose, whatever. I feel like I'm cheating, but am not with anyone to cheat on. (I just want to be) I was talking to my mom earlier, and she said not to worry, 'cause I'm just 'dating,' and not 'going steady' with anyone. Sounds kind of lame, but its kind of true too. I just don't want to date... but skip right to the 'going steady' part I guess. Too bad life doesn't work that way.
I used to think it was a good quality I had of being open and honest, direct and assertive. Most peole wish they had more of these "qualities" that just come naturally to me. Right now, I'm thinking its more of a curse than anything, 'cause honestly, I'm that way about everything. If I like you, you'll know about it. If I want you, you'll know about it. If I'm mad, sad, angry, frustrated, insanely happy, and everything else inbetween, you'll know about that too. I don't hide much, even some stuff I probably should. I'm going to have to work on that, 'cause I know I can be pretty fucking intense sometimes. I'm frustrated with myself about that.
Health is another concern lately. For the past couple months I've been an avid gym attendee each evening after work. For lack of a social life, I'd just go and run myself to exhaustion and go home and sleep. Its worked well for me and my fitness goal. I've lost 30 lbs since March. Since the social scene has been so exciting lately, I haven't been going to the gym on a regular basis, I've been drinking coffee each morning 'cause I'm tired from the night before, and I've been smoking 'cause I'm nervous about things and jittery from the coffee. So, the caffiene in the coffee gives me the jitters, the smokes chill me out but make me edgy, and I feel like a zombie from lack of sleep. No good.
I've lost like 4 lbs. in the past week, which is cool, but I've lost them by doing the wrong things. Yesterday, I only ate a fruit cup and drank 3 beers washed down by half a pack of smokes. That isn't healthy man! I don't even smoke. I need to just chill the fuck out and get some sleep and get to the gym. I don't feel healthy, and I don't like it. It strains all my relationships, even the new ones, and that's not a good thing. I feel like I'm fuckin' stuff up, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
So, theres a little insight into what's going on in my life at the moment. My life is pretty much a madhouse right now. I'm not asking for anything but possibly a little understanding. Just know that my life is making some HUGE changes right now, and I'm stressed about it. Sorry if you got to feel the backlashes of some of it. I just don't handle things well when I don't have anything stable to hold on to.
Professional life, social life, love life and health- those are the big four that I'd like to have a better grip on. Professional life, I'm a recent graduate who's looking for a career. I'm stuck at home 'cause I can't afford to move out... which affects both the social and love life. I can be patient with the professional life, 'cause I know that eventually I'll find a job that I like that I actually want that will pay decently. I just have to keep my chin up, keep looking and trying hard, and eventually something will work out. I know this, and I can wait it out. Patience is a virtue. I can deal with this part.
The job hunt is going okay. Interviews have come and gone, and I have more lined up for next week. The unnerving aspect of this part of my life is that my parents, who are also my current employers, are looking to sell both the house and the business and move within the next year. So, I need to find a job somewhat quickly that I enjoy and find satisfying that can pay the rent. And then I need to find a place to live to top that all off. I'm stressed about this, but know that everything will work out eventually. Big changes are happening, and I just don't feel like I have anything solid to grasp onto for stability. I'm workin' on it though.
Social life is another entity entirely. Its has picked up quickly recently. Bumped into yet another awesome group of friends I can't wait to see and hang with more. That's cool with me. Its crazy though... so many names and faces and things in common to remember. Kind of hectic. More friends are moving back into the area after finishing school for the year. This summer should rock my socks off, and I'm looking forward to it immensely. I tend jump into things with both feet, just on the chance that I might land well and find it worthwhile... but with my luck, I usually break a leg. I hope I don't hurt anything this time around.
Part of my social life would be my sister. She's one of my best friends, and I adore the crap out of her. She just finished spring quarter at Western, and has come home for a week before leaving on a trip to Israel for an archeological dig. She's really nervous/excited/freaking out about it, and so are my parents. Yes, I'm excited for her to get to go, 'cause this is the best dig site in the world for her to be at, but I'm also scared shitless for her 'cause its in Israel, the heart of the middle east, with whom we are at war. Scary. I'm surrounded by this anxiety from my family, and its wearing on me. They're all tired and anxious and snappish. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, trying to appease and comfort everyone and not provoke anything. I'm having a hard time relaxing at the moment, even in my own house.
Love life is what's got me torn most of all. Everything's just happened so fast, I'm having a hard time coping with all of it. I mean, its delightful and fun and amazing, but I'm overwhelmed. I'm not a player, but I feel like I am right now, and I don't like it. My morals and ethics have been put to the test, and I don't like what's up... what I've let happen. Not that I've let anything get too far, I've just always believed in one guy, one girl, one at a time, and my current state of affairs in this area challenge those ideals.
In the past three weeks I've been on dates with like, 5 different guys. (I'm not bragging. I may be cocky, but I'm not a braggart. There's a difference.) I'm trying to express how confused and just plain overwhelmed I am with it all at the moment. A friend put it well when he said "play the field if its good for you." I've been trying to, but have a hard time balancing everything out. I mean, I don't date. I haven't ever had a dating scene like this, and I'm so confused about what's going on, and I don't know what to do about it. I can't keep up. This area of my life is completely out control, and I don't like it, and am freaking out a bit about it.
I don't really like 'the scene' anymore. I used to, but I'm not really diggin' it right now. Just too stressful for me at the moment. As far as a relationship goes, I'd rather just hang out with someone who I thought was cool, and chill and have sex, and that be the relationship. Yes, I know that's impossible, and that emotions and feelings get in the way of that, but right now, I wish I didn't have them, 'cause they're fuckin' up my life. I'm so stressed about things, and there's nothing I can do about it but tell myself to breathe.
One guy I'm totally smitten with. My heart pounds when I think of him, I get the shivers when I think of his kisses. I want to see him, but he and I work completely opposite schedules, even just hanging out has been hard to do. That, and I kind of freaked out at him a little. I got too serious and probably scared the crap out of him. Totally sent him mixed signals, and probably confused the crap out of him too. I just got wound up in the moment and my daydreams, and probably wrecked any chance I had with him. So, I'm a little upset about that.
Two other guys I met on the same night, even kissed both of them on that same night. Nothing serious, and probably won't be anything serious with either of them, but they're both on my mind. I'm conflicted about the two in one night thing. No, there was no sex involved or anything, but I'm trying to uphold some morals and ethics here. I don't like it.
Another I met just last night. He's cool. I'd like to hang out with him more, and am looking forward to it. Yet again I got some gentlemanly attention, and while it was delightful, I'm torn about it. I just don't like the whole 'seeing more than one person' thing. I'm very conflicted about it, and don't know what to do, who to choose, whatever. I feel like I'm cheating, but am not with anyone to cheat on. (I just want to be) I was talking to my mom earlier, and she said not to worry, 'cause I'm just 'dating,' and not 'going steady' with anyone. Sounds kind of lame, but its kind of true too. I just don't want to date... but skip right to the 'going steady' part I guess. Too bad life doesn't work that way.
I used to think it was a good quality I had of being open and honest, direct and assertive. Most peole wish they had more of these "qualities" that just come naturally to me. Right now, I'm thinking its more of a curse than anything, 'cause honestly, I'm that way about everything. If I like you, you'll know about it. If I want you, you'll know about it. If I'm mad, sad, angry, frustrated, insanely happy, and everything else inbetween, you'll know about that too. I don't hide much, even some stuff I probably should. I'm going to have to work on that, 'cause I know I can be pretty fucking intense sometimes. I'm frustrated with myself about that.
Health is another concern lately. For the past couple months I've been an avid gym attendee each evening after work. For lack of a social life, I'd just go and run myself to exhaustion and go home and sleep. Its worked well for me and my fitness goal. I've lost 30 lbs since March. Since the social scene has been so exciting lately, I haven't been going to the gym on a regular basis, I've been drinking coffee each morning 'cause I'm tired from the night before, and I've been smoking 'cause I'm nervous about things and jittery from the coffee. So, the caffiene in the coffee gives me the jitters, the smokes chill me out but make me edgy, and I feel like a zombie from lack of sleep. No good.
I've lost like 4 lbs. in the past week, which is cool, but I've lost them by doing the wrong things. Yesterday, I only ate a fruit cup and drank 3 beers washed down by half a pack of smokes. That isn't healthy man! I don't even smoke. I need to just chill the fuck out and get some sleep and get to the gym. I don't feel healthy, and I don't like it. It strains all my relationships, even the new ones, and that's not a good thing. I feel like I'm fuckin' stuff up, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
So, theres a little insight into what's going on in my life at the moment. My life is pretty much a madhouse right now. I'm not asking for anything but possibly a little understanding. Just know that my life is making some HUGE changes right now, and I'm stressed about it. Sorry if you got to feel the backlashes of some of it. I just don't handle things well when I don't have anything stable to hold on to.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Thanksgiving in June
So, last night I went to Steve's Thanksgiving in June party. It was awesome. I was pretty anxious about going to a party not knowing anyone or what to expect, but I sucked it up and had a ball. I met some really cool people I'm really looking forward to getting to know better. Got some gentlemanly attention, which is always delightful, and ate delicious(!!) food. The garlic mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie rocked my socks off. The wine didn't hurt either...last night.
Today, however, I feel hungover as crap. My headache is gradually going away, but it still feels as if my brain is a rubber band ball or something. Changing from sitting to standing makes me kind of woozy when I do it too fast. The light seems extra bright, and I feel like rockin' the sunglasses indoors. I just feel like lounging in bed. I need a sick day! But I had a job interview this morning at 10 that I had to get up for. It went great, but I don't want the job, so it was a waste of time. I just want to take a nap. Meh. More on the exciting aspects of the fiesta later...but it was good times all around...I hope...it was good for me at least.
Peace out home skillets!
Currently listening :
Charlie, Last Name Wilson
By Charlie Wilson
Release date: 13 September, 2005
Today, however, I feel hungover as crap. My headache is gradually going away, but it still feels as if my brain is a rubber band ball or something. Changing from sitting to standing makes me kind of woozy when I do it too fast. The light seems extra bright, and I feel like rockin' the sunglasses indoors. I just feel like lounging in bed. I need a sick day! But I had a job interview this morning at 10 that I had to get up for. It went great, but I don't want the job, so it was a waste of time. I just want to take a nap. Meh. More on the exciting aspects of the fiesta later...but it was good times all around...I hope...it was good for me at least.
Peace out home skillets!
Currently listening :
Charlie, Last Name Wilson
By Charlie Wilson
Release date: 13 September, 2005
Sunday, June 4, 2006
Sat Night...
Sat. night...
Category: Parties and Nightlife
So, I may be drunk as shit when I write this, but at least I'm honest. It's four in the morning, and I'm going to go to bed soon, honestly...but I had to peak up and say some stuff first... I'm so glad to have met Steve and his group of friends. Nasreen and John are the shit, man! I can't wait to hang out again... We met again at John's fiesta Sat. night, which I am currently intoxicated from. My sister (also my DD) wanted to leave, so we did.
Our depature interrupted a very important and crucial coversation. Too bad. I hope it continues sometime in the future...
To all else I met Sat., and don't remember their name, it was cool to meet you. Hope you had a good time and that I see you in the future, except for those sleezy guys who tried to steal John's Ipod. Not cool. I was ready to kick some ass. You don't just mess with a person's music! Shit. That's very important stuff... good thing they didn't get away with it.
Category: Parties and Nightlife
So, I may be drunk as shit when I write this, but at least I'm honest. It's four in the morning, and I'm going to go to bed soon, honestly...but I had to peak up and say some stuff first... I'm so glad to have met Steve and his group of friends. Nasreen and John are the shit, man! I can't wait to hang out again... We met again at John's fiesta Sat. night, which I am currently intoxicated from. My sister (also my DD) wanted to leave, so we did.
Our depature interrupted a very important and crucial coversation. Too bad. I hope it continues sometime in the future...
To all else I met Sat., and don't remember their name, it was cool to meet you. Hope you had a good time and that I see you in the future, except for those sleezy guys who tried to steal John's Ipod. Not cool. I was ready to kick some ass. You don't just mess with a person's music! Shit. That's very important stuff... good thing they didn't get away with it.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Fucking Catalyst Seattle
For those of you who may not know, I am on the job hunt. For a career job. Can I just rant a moment (or this entire blog) about what a goddamned pain in the ass this is?!!? Jesus H. Christ. Shoot me now.
So, I went to a couple interviews this week already, and had a day-long job shadow today that sucked saggy old man balls....with crabs or oozing scabs, your choice. [Gross visual, I know. Sorry. It really sucked that bad though.] It was pretty much horrid. All. Day. Long.
Before I went to the initial interview, I read the entire webpage (SeattleCatalyst.com, FYI) to try and figure out what product or service I'd be working with. It was very ambiguous, to say the least. But, I wanted to interview well, and wanted to be informed, so I read it.
The interview itself was painless. Kind of short, but painless. Here's the clincher though. I asked the interviewer (who I found out today is the freaking CEO) what kind of work I'd signed up to do, was it phone sales, marketing, door to door, HR, or what have you. I ASKED THIS GUY IF IT WAS DOOR TO DOOR SALES, AND HE LOOKED ME IN THE EYE AND SAID "NO." He said it was marketing and sales of office supplies. BASTARD!!!
So, I got called back in for the 'second interview,' which was actually an entire day job shadowing one of their sales reps. I showed up to the place, which is in Columbia Tower, downtown (in the middle of mid-morning traffic, I'll have you know. It took me 90 minutes for me to get from Woodinville down there. Argh!!) and found out I'd be job shadowing.
So, we get into this guy's car (Ivan) to go to 'the location', and I start asking questions about what we'll be doing, and he pretty much lays it out that we'll be doing door to door sales. I'm thinking to myself "Fuuuucccckkkk. Fuck Fuck Fuck. How the hell am I supposed to get out of wasting my entire day? I don't want to do door to door sales, ever. This is not for me."
As it turned out, I walked all over Fremont, selling crap office supplies out of a catalog. WHAT A WASTE OF MY GODDAMNED TIME!! I'm so pissed at this. I rescheduled THREE, read it again, THREE other job interviews so I could go to this 'second interview.'
I was stuck walking all over Fremont and Northlake with Ivan, the techno-mixing, videogame-playing loser (let me add in here that I don't mind videogames, or techno - I love the music. This guy was just a freakin' weirdo), and his 'trainee' Mel, who needed some new bras like nobody's business. I mean, honestly, how can you walk around with no support for the girls? I guess I just can't, 'cause I've got an ample supply of boobage. Eew. I couldn't look her in the eye, and her outfit just plain sucked. She was in serious need of a makeover. I'm not being a snob about this, she seriously needed a makeover to be a competetive selling force. There's no way I would have bought anything from her. Why do people fall for loser jobs like this?
I had to listen to Ivar talk about his goals with the company, and how he was going to be a millionaire in 5 years, blah blah blah. Puh-leeze. You sell staples and reams of paper door to door, and I know it. Don't try and hit on me 'cause you think you're all that. I can see through all that crap. Gross.
So that was my wonderful day. Word to the wise? Stay away from CCS and/or Catalyst Seattle (they're the same thing). They sell office supplies door to door.
So, I went to a couple interviews this week already, and had a day-long job shadow today that sucked saggy old man balls....with crabs or oozing scabs, your choice. [Gross visual, I know. Sorry. It really sucked that bad though.] It was pretty much horrid. All. Day. Long.
Before I went to the initial interview, I read the entire webpage (SeattleCatalyst.com, FYI) to try and figure out what product or service I'd be working with. It was very ambiguous, to say the least. But, I wanted to interview well, and wanted to be informed, so I read it.
The interview itself was painless. Kind of short, but painless. Here's the clincher though. I asked the interviewer (who I found out today is the freaking CEO) what kind of work I'd signed up to do, was it phone sales, marketing, door to door, HR, or what have you. I ASKED THIS GUY IF IT WAS DOOR TO DOOR SALES, AND HE LOOKED ME IN THE EYE AND SAID "NO." He said it was marketing and sales of office supplies. BASTARD!!!
So, I got called back in for the 'second interview,' which was actually an entire day job shadowing one of their sales reps. I showed up to the place, which is in Columbia Tower, downtown (in the middle of mid-morning traffic, I'll have you know. It took me 90 minutes for me to get from Woodinville down there. Argh!!) and found out I'd be job shadowing.
So, we get into this guy's car (Ivan) to go to 'the location', and I start asking questions about what we'll be doing, and he pretty much lays it out that we'll be doing door to door sales. I'm thinking to myself "Fuuuucccckkkk. Fuck Fuck Fuck. How the hell am I supposed to get out of wasting my entire day? I don't want to do door to door sales, ever. This is not for me."
As it turned out, I walked all over Fremont, selling crap office supplies out of a catalog. WHAT A WASTE OF MY GODDAMNED TIME!! I'm so pissed at this. I rescheduled THREE, read it again, THREE other job interviews so I could go to this 'second interview.'
I was stuck walking all over Fremont and Northlake with Ivan, the techno-mixing, videogame-playing loser (let me add in here that I don't mind videogames, or techno - I love the music. This guy was just a freakin' weirdo), and his 'trainee' Mel, who needed some new bras like nobody's business. I mean, honestly, how can you walk around with no support for the girls? I guess I just can't, 'cause I've got an ample supply of boobage. Eew. I couldn't look her in the eye, and her outfit just plain sucked. She was in serious need of a makeover. I'm not being a snob about this, she seriously needed a makeover to be a competetive selling force. There's no way I would have bought anything from her. Why do people fall for loser jobs like this?
I had to listen to Ivar talk about his goals with the company, and how he was going to be a millionaire in 5 years, blah blah blah. Puh-leeze. You sell staples and reams of paper door to door, and I know it. Don't try and hit on me 'cause you think you're all that. I can see through all that crap. Gross.
So that was my wonderful day. Word to the wise? Stay away from CCS and/or Catalyst Seattle (they're the same thing). They sell office supplies door to door.
Monday, May 8, 2006
Space Cow(girl)
Just put the song on and you'll know how my day went. Just so you know, I'm talking about The Joker, by Steve Miller Band. Sexy, laid back, just makes ya want to dance around in panties and a T-shirt stoned and shake your stuff before your man comes and grabs your shirt and tows you to the bedroom. Awesome.
Oh hell yeah. Don't you have days that just kick ass? I had one today. Work was easy and kinda just good feeling. Good vibes today. Chatting with a couple interesting gentlemen on here...possibilities abound. Summer is around the corner. Good music is in the air. The smell of beef on grills and the feel of a good cold bottle of beer is getting closer and closer. Good stuff is going to happen this summer, I can feel it.
Our puppy (Sophie) is cuter than anything. I took her to Trader Joe's and got hit on by all the guys; at least a half-dozen hotties. It was freaking sweet. No numbers, thank you very much, but I'm not looking for any either. Close call in that arena, but I do love playing hard to get. Just something about knowing that I'm worth chasing. Come and get me boys! Ha ha ha! Just kiddin'.
"People keep talking about me baby, sayin' I'm doin' you wrong. Don't you worry mama, 'cause I'm right here at home. You're the cutest thing I ever did see-ee-ee, I really love your peaches, wanna shake your tree-ee-ee....lovey dovey lovey dovey all the ti-ii-ime, ooh-ee baby, I'll sure show you a good ti-ii-ime"....ya gotta love it. See, it is all about stoned dancing in panties and shakin' your stuff. That's totally what the song's all about. Man I'm good.
Yes, I'm a little cocky, and I'll admit it, but I like a little cockiness in my men too. Confidence with a sense of humor about it, is how I see it. Some people can pull it off when you first meet them, others take time to feel comfortable around you before they can do it. Some people just aren't cocky. Whatever. Its all good. I like confident people. Fuck, I like cocky people...not assholes, but cocky. Confident with a sense of humor about it. Good flirts.
For those of you who aren't confident in yourself, just fucking fake it, and believe yourself, and you'll pull it off. Just try it. That's how you learn to do it. Be cocky around me, and I'll let you know if you're doing a good job. Don't be an asshole about it, but show me you're confident in yourself. I'll appreciate you that much more for it. I detest pansies and pussies. I mean, I like the flowers, and definitely love the fact that I'm a girl, and I have a cat that I adore, but I hate those communicators who don't get to the point. Just fucking say what you mean. Spit it out, even if you think you might offend. Take that risk. Speak up for what you believe in. Call me on things if you don't agree. What's the point of having your opinion if you can't back it up? Prove me wrong! I'd love to see you try. I love a good debate.
Okay, now I'm seriously just rambling. My medication has definitely kicked in, and I'm just typing, typing typing away. Kind of like Dory, who's swimming, swimming, just keep swimming. Oh crap. I'm cutting myself off. Oh but I do love writing, inner conciousness that I'll probably edit into something else in the morning, if I remember that I've written anything at all, that is.
Oh hell yeah. Don't you have days that just kick ass? I had one today. Work was easy and kinda just good feeling. Good vibes today. Chatting with a couple interesting gentlemen on here...possibilities abound. Summer is around the corner. Good music is in the air. The smell of beef on grills and the feel of a good cold bottle of beer is getting closer and closer. Good stuff is going to happen this summer, I can feel it.
Our puppy (Sophie) is cuter than anything. I took her to Trader Joe's and got hit on by all the guys; at least a half-dozen hotties. It was freaking sweet. No numbers, thank you very much, but I'm not looking for any either. Close call in that arena, but I do love playing hard to get. Just something about knowing that I'm worth chasing. Come and get me boys! Ha ha ha! Just kiddin'.
"People keep talking about me baby, sayin' I'm doin' you wrong. Don't you worry mama, 'cause I'm right here at home. You're the cutest thing I ever did see-ee-ee, I really love your peaches, wanna shake your tree-ee-ee....lovey dovey lovey dovey all the ti-ii-ime, ooh-ee baby, I'll sure show you a good ti-ii-ime"....ya gotta love it. See, it is all about stoned dancing in panties and shakin' your stuff. That's totally what the song's all about. Man I'm good.
Yes, I'm a little cocky, and I'll admit it, but I like a little cockiness in my men too. Confidence with a sense of humor about it, is how I see it. Some people can pull it off when you first meet them, others take time to feel comfortable around you before they can do it. Some people just aren't cocky. Whatever. Its all good. I like confident people. Fuck, I like cocky people...not assholes, but cocky. Confident with a sense of humor about it. Good flirts.
For those of you who aren't confident in yourself, just fucking fake it, and believe yourself, and you'll pull it off. Just try it. That's how you learn to do it. Be cocky around me, and I'll let you know if you're doing a good job. Don't be an asshole about it, but show me you're confident in yourself. I'll appreciate you that much more for it. I detest pansies and pussies. I mean, I like the flowers, and definitely love the fact that I'm a girl, and I have a cat that I adore, but I hate those communicators who don't get to the point. Just fucking say what you mean. Spit it out, even if you think you might offend. Take that risk. Speak up for what you believe in. Call me on things if you don't agree. What's the point of having your opinion if you can't back it up? Prove me wrong! I'd love to see you try. I love a good debate.
Okay, now I'm seriously just rambling. My medication has definitely kicked in, and I'm just typing, typing typing away. Kind of like Dory, who's swimming, swimming, just keep swimming. Oh crap. I'm cutting myself off. Oh but I do love writing, inner conciousness that I'll probably edit into something else in the morning, if I remember that I've written anything at all, that is.
Friday, May 5, 2006
Sisterly Love and Hookahs
So, I'm sittin' here at work. I just got here, and I'm already a little bored. I guess that's the price you pay when you work for/with your family. You don't meet anyone new, or at least, I don't, because I have my own office with no windows way in the back of the building, and the only people who walk by are people getting X-ray'd or going to the bathroom. Yay, how about I start a conversation with one of them?? "Hey, I know you've gotta take a piss, but could you talk to me for a moment? I'm bored." Good one.
The love interest previously blogged about has been dumped, which is super. No broken hearts, none of that 'I wish he was here' bullshit. Plain and simple, we broke up and its all good. Kind of fun while it lasted, but mostly not. He was a douche full of bullshit and mainly pissed me off. The only thing that really pisses me off about the whole affair is that I had sex with him, and now I don't have anyone to have sex with. Kind of a bummer to have it for a little while and now not at all, but then again, it is spring, and I'm sure I'll meet someone new.
My sister and I with a new friend Muhammad went to a hookah bar last weekend. I'd never been, and the only thing I've ever smoked out of a hookah wasn't fruit or tobacco... Anyways, it was really cool. Its kind of like inhaling vaporized sweet tea. Quite pleasant. The only downfall was that the bar was near Pioneer Square, and it was a Saturday, and the people who filled the bar were all youngin's who couldn't get into a real bar. It made me feel kind of old, but whatev. The music was cool, the belly dancer was goregous(!!!) and the baklava was delicious. Good times were had by all.
Oh! Before we went out with Muhammad, my sister and I saw this kind of indie movie called Kinky Boots. It was absolutely hilarious, touching, funny and wonderful, all at the same time. I'm going to buy it when it comes out. I'm also going to ruin the plot line for you right now. It was about this guy who inherits a shoe factory from his dad, who promptly dies in the beginning of the film. He learns that the factory is going under and that he will be forced to sell it unless he comes up with some killer shoe design. To make a long story shorter, he meets this transgender woman who owns a nightclub. (Could someone clarify something for me? The character is a man dressing as a woman, so I'm correct in labeling him a woman, because that's what he dresses as, right? I'm not up to date with etiquite concerning transgendered people, so help me out.) Anyways, they invent/make/create some stripper-esque thigh-high boots that can hold the weight of a man with stiletto heels to save the factory. He ends up dumping his bitchy old fiance who wanted him to sell the factory and falls for the spunky factory worker girl who helps him save it. Great story, and it all ends in a big bang at the shoe show in Milan with a big song and dance routine. On another note, I wish I had Lola's lips. There isn't a scene in the movie where her big beautiful black lips are not glossed and goregous.
We also ran into some sort of bike, as in bicycle, ralley/protest while downtown. These bikers were kicking the shit out of some poor guy in a car. They were doing all sorts of mean stuff; spitting his car, trying to break his windows, lifting their bikes and scratching the shit out of his paint, etc. We didn't find out why they were doing this, but I hope someone somewhere was justified. It was pretty crazy. I have some photos.
Sometime later...
Yeah, so I've been trying to add some photos to this blog from our sisterly Seattle trip of goodness, but I'm lame and can't seem to get any to load properly. Grrrrr. I feel stupid, but I'll figure it out eventually and post them later I guess.
The love interest previously blogged about has been dumped, which is super. No broken hearts, none of that 'I wish he was here' bullshit. Plain and simple, we broke up and its all good. Kind of fun while it lasted, but mostly not. He was a douche full of bullshit and mainly pissed me off. The only thing that really pisses me off about the whole affair is that I had sex with him, and now I don't have anyone to have sex with. Kind of a bummer to have it for a little while and now not at all, but then again, it is spring, and I'm sure I'll meet someone new.
My sister and I with a new friend Muhammad went to a hookah bar last weekend. I'd never been, and the only thing I've ever smoked out of a hookah wasn't fruit or tobacco... Anyways, it was really cool. Its kind of like inhaling vaporized sweet tea. Quite pleasant. The only downfall was that the bar was near Pioneer Square, and it was a Saturday, and the people who filled the bar were all youngin's who couldn't get into a real bar. It made me feel kind of old, but whatev. The music was cool, the belly dancer was goregous(!!!) and the baklava was delicious. Good times were had by all.
Oh! Before we went out with Muhammad, my sister and I saw this kind of indie movie called Kinky Boots. It was absolutely hilarious, touching, funny and wonderful, all at the same time. I'm going to buy it when it comes out. I'm also going to ruin the plot line for you right now. It was about this guy who inherits a shoe factory from his dad, who promptly dies in the beginning of the film. He learns that the factory is going under and that he will be forced to sell it unless he comes up with some killer shoe design. To make a long story shorter, he meets this transgender woman who owns a nightclub. (Could someone clarify something for me? The character is a man dressing as a woman, so I'm correct in labeling him a woman, because that's what he dresses as, right? I'm not up to date with etiquite concerning transgendered people, so help me out.) Anyways, they invent/make/create some stripper-esque thigh-high boots that can hold the weight of a man with stiletto heels to save the factory. He ends up dumping his bitchy old fiance who wanted him to sell the factory and falls for the spunky factory worker girl who helps him save it. Great story, and it all ends in a big bang at the shoe show in Milan with a big song and dance routine. On another note, I wish I had Lola's lips. There isn't a scene in the movie where her big beautiful black lips are not glossed and goregous.
We also ran into some sort of bike, as in bicycle, ralley/protest while downtown. These bikers were kicking the shit out of some poor guy in a car. They were doing all sorts of mean stuff; spitting his car, trying to break his windows, lifting their bikes and scratching the shit out of his paint, etc. We didn't find out why they were doing this, but I hope someone somewhere was justified. It was pretty crazy. I have some photos.
Sometime later...
Yeah, so I've been trying to add some photos to this blog from our sisterly Seattle trip of goodness, but I'm lame and can't seem to get any to load properly. Grrrrr. I feel stupid, but I'll figure it out eventually and post them later I guess.
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